I go on a three week vacation for the first time since I finished the 911 coverup. I was the one who had to stay up late nights writing that damn 911 Commission Report. You think Phil Zellikow could help. But no he was too busy with the press. Telling them the fairy tales I was writing the night before. I can see Zellikow dishing my reports to Judith Miller from the NY Times. What a slut! And I have the videos of her and Zellikow to prove it.
I get to Europe and all hell breaks loose. My wife was scared witless. She called the children and told them Al Qaeda had 165 nukes hidden in federal buildings waiting to be detonated Monday morning when we went back to work. What can I say? My wife watches FOX News late nights.
When I got back, my first stop was at the Secret Team News Desk. I had to sort the Press Releases from the Real News. After ten minutes, I discovered the source of the problem. These trainees were watching FOX News and Katie Couric at CBS. These idiots couldn’t tell the difference between our PR and reality. I could hardly wait for the 8 am briefing so I could read these guys a real newscast.
I knew before the meeting what the problem was. When Glass Steagall was repealed in 1999, the banks knew that their bonus money would go through the roof. So starting in 2000 Goldman Sachs tested every Ivy League applicant using the MMPI extended version looking for Psychopaths. They offered every psycho in the Ivy League an average salary with bonuses of $750,000 a year. We were using the same test looking for psychos. So all we got were loonies who flunked the IQ test. We had our pick of the rejects from the SEC.
They texted me that Max Keiser, Alex Jones and Mike Rivero had been saying bad things about Obama and Osama. Keiser said Osama’s body was frozen when it was dropped into the sea. I thought that was hilarious. I was working late on the Sunday Osama was killed clearing my desk for my vacation . I left orders for the night shift to shut down Mike Rivero’s website with a DDOS attack. Mission accomplished. So why were these guys worried about Alex Jones ranting and Max Keiser making jokes?
I will have to explain to them the poster on the wall in our briefing room. It is a take off on the old four food groups ads. Ours is the Four Levels of Government. We are the Secret Team. We have A, B, C and D levels. The A level makes all the decisions from deep inside the boardroom of a bank in London. The B level is the Secret Team that does all the Black Ops and makes things like assassinations, riots, coups, rebellions and wars. The C level is the President, the Congress, the Courts and the press. The D level is the voters and taxpayers. These idiots were handing out fake Osama photos to to Senators. On the C level. The C level can get mad and question us from the Secret Team B level behind closed doors in secret session. I was grilled once by Cynthia McKinney and I vowed never again. Of course I sent a ton of money to her district and had her defeated in the primary. What a mean woman she was. She had the nerve to accuse me of lying about my friends at Blackwater and DynCorp.
What the trainees did not seem to comprehend was the printed instructions at the bottom of the poster in the briefing room. I had to read it to them very slowly. We have four levels of government for a reason. We need to contain everyone on their appropriate level and prevent them from interacting with a level above them. Giving fake Osama photos to Senators violated the first principle of containment. Conversely, we do not have to worry about Alex Jones and Max Keiser down on the D level. They can’t reach the C level where the Congress and the President are. It is not for nothing that the banks launder 500 billion dollars a year in bribe money. Those bribes serve as the primary containment wall or fire door separating the voters on the D level and the Congress on the C level.
I was not a happy camper. I was called back from vacation because those guys were not up to the job. They need to begin with lesson one. When you read the news, do not confuse your PR with the truth. If the story originated here, we know it is not true. So why did they believe their own lies? It was because they were not paying attention to our Press Releases.
There was bad PR while I was on vacation. What nonsense did I hear. DNA tests proved we had Osama. Wrong. DNA tests as everyone who watches TV knows takes longer than 24 hours even if the lead detective yells at the Crime lab boss. So who had the bright idea of claiming that we could get DNA results in 5 hours? Obama? He is on the C level. Our PR department is supposed to release all White House press statements. There is no excuse for allowing the President to read from the Teleprompter even if it is late Sunday night and past our normal working hours. And how many fake Osama photos are out there? And who started releasing photos from Hollywood movies? Too many beer drinkers have seen Black Hawk down. We can’t afford to lose the American beer drinker.
After I read the poster to them, I opened the meeting so they could brainstorm Black Op solutions they thought the A level would approve. I could hardly wait to hear the suggestions these ninnies have for the Bailouts, Palestinian statehood, the fallout from Fukushima, the war against Pakistan, the war against the Iranians, the war against Libya. Seems to be a lot of wars on the agenda. Also the problem of the collapsing euro and the dollar’s swan dive. This could get serious. If they don’t raise the debt ceiling my paycheck could bounce. Not really. I’d just take my pay in kilos of cocaine. At $100 for a gram one kilo is worth $100,000 tax free. I seriously thought of calling Bentonville Arkansas and trading those guys for Wal-Mart store managers.
I opened the morning briefing to get suggestions to solve out current situation. I was rewarded with a promotion and was made project manager for the 911 event after I had presented my ideas to a similar morning briefing 12 years ago.
Nigel had watched Goldfinger the night before on the telly. He wanted to run the price of gold up. Vaporize America’s gold supply with a nuke. We all know that the gold in Fort Knox is all gold plated tungsten bars. If we nuke the place, we can transfer all the gold out the night before, melt them bars down, return the tungsten, keep the gold and sell it on the COMEX for our Christmas bonuses. Glad I have an Oxford man on our staff.
John suggested a second Al Qaeda bomb blow up Eric Sprott’s silver stock in Canada. John never watched Canadian Bacon. Everyone had trouble finding Toronto. I think we could find Eric Sprott’s address in the Canadian phone book but how would we explain two bombs taking out all the gold and silver in North America? This presents a problem to the TV news. If the gold and silver is vaporized, the prices will soar. But when we sell it back on the COMEX the price of bullion will drop like a rock. And besides I don’t think Sprott will let us steal all his silver the night before we nuke Toronto.
John never wondered why we didn’t let him carry a gun on field exercises. We are Al Qaeda. I had to set John straight. Why did he think we are able to push reset and bring back those Al Qaeda leaders back to life? Ayman al-Zawahiri has died in every even year since 2002. We push reset and he came back to life in 2003, 2005, 2007, 2009 and 2011. That is why we have him running Al Qaeda since the latest Osama death. Osama died nine times in the ten years since 2001. Because we threw his frozen body into the sea we can’t push reset on him for the 911 anniversary. We do have Adam Gadahn who was killed in 2008 and 2010. He is currently alive, but we find him to be of limited use. His grandfather was on the board of directors of the ADL. Too many people know his birth name was Pearlman and do not find him credible. That means we will have to use Ayman al-Zawahiri again of we decide 911 with a nuclear event in 2011. That is why we have to pay a rental fee to England every time we use him as he belongs to MI-6.
Anwar al Awlaki is on our payroll too. He had lunch at the Pentagon after 911. Fortunately, nobody in the media brings that up. There in no Al Qaeda apart from our actors. It is against the Screen Actor Guild’s union rules to shoot our actors. And that is why John is not allowed to carry a gun on field troops. Al Qaeda has no nukes we did not give them. And I also had to tell John it was too late to throw a couple of dialysis machines into the rubble at that Osama compound in Pakistan.
We have to make our Black Op plans for the second half of 2011 based upon directives from the A level decision makers. They are heavily invested in commodity futures so I am sure they would appreciate any floods that cut the food supply. Nobody had any suggestions that could either cause a flood or make food more expensive.
We can’t use a nuke to contaminate the food supply because GE made those reactors in Fukushima and they ordered the EPA and FDA give a pass on the food safety. If we started releasing the real radiation counts from the food supply, people on the D level might not believe anything else we say.
The A level team is busily sacking and looting America. There are trillions of dollars left to steal. They own the commodities which have to be bought at the food store at twice the price. But that food price increase is already in the pipeline so our main objective is to have a medium range Black Op that will let us clamp down further on their freedoms but not launch WW III next week. World War III as I currently understand the situation will not happen until next year. Maybe the plague will come first and then the war. I am not sure about the timing yet.
As I see it, we want to avoid a direct assault on Iran until 2012. We can’t attack Iran until we have already done Pakistan. The Chinese have privately told us that any attack on Pakistan will be a declaration of war against the People’s Republic. So everywhere I see problems to be solved.
Where does that leave us? I can heartily recommend nuking Fort Knox but I will pass on nuking Toronto. And we need something more spectacular than nuking Missouri or wherever Fort Knox and those tungsten bars are. I know they want us to start a war between Pakistan and India. Maybe we could nuke New Delhi. However, I am partial to nuking Los Angeles. I never liked the place since the old Iran Contra days when I was distributing crack cocaine in Watts. Too much smog and too many freeways. Besides if we nuke LA, the Mexicans will get mad at the Muslims. Too many Latin countries are recognizing Palestine. So nuking LA is a great idea. I will have to push that to the top of the list. I could also recommend nuking the Vatican. There are 40,000,000 Italian Americans might object. And some of those Mafia guys might come looking for the Secret Team. I might have to put nuking Rome at the bottom of the list behind nuking Toronto.
Nuking the world is just one set of possibilities. We could release a new plague. But that won’t solve the commodity problem. In fact killing too many people this year will drive prices down. People won’t be around to eat more food and force food prices up if they are dying like flies.
Commodities are a major concern as the bankers who are in the options market driving prices up. And their problems are your problems. A plague just isn’t good for anything but killing a few billion poor people after the dollar collapses. The leading cause of social unrest is the excess supply of poor folk. There are too many of them. Maybe we can do something with a plague this Christmas just before the dollar dies early in 2012. In this business timing is everything. When you think about it, the Secret Team is like a comedian in a nightclub. We both need to keep that audience entertained.
Nuking India or Fort Knox doesn’t seem like much of a plan compared to nuking LA. I think I will have to go home and get some sleep. After all I am the man who brought you 911. The A level expects something from me that will solve the Palestinian statehood problem, the wars with Pakistan and Iran. So many problems to solve with just one nuke. They expect a lot from me. Rest assured that I will be thinking about you even when I am sleeping. Did I tell you that 911 originally came to me in a dream? Something funny just occurred to me. I dreamed up 911 while I was asleep. And 911 became your nightmare while you were awake. Well, it sounded funny to me.
I am heading home to get some sleep. Maybe when I wake up I will have another dream that will haunt you for the next ten years.