CNN Report: In ten minutes at the top of the hour we will have live coverage from our correspondents in the Cayman Islands where there has been a rumored rebellion. Just a second. Breaking news flash: The US military has lifted the news embargo early and we will go to our correspondents in the Islands. Take it away Marsha McWilliams in George Town Grand Cayman.
Marsha McWilliams: There was no rebellion. The United States military invaded the Cayman Islands early Saturday morning to seize all offshore assets. In fact we will interview military and private auditors working on the seized bank accounts. We will also interview workmen who have been drilling into and opening safe deposit boxes.
(The scene shifts to JP Morgan headquarters in New York.)
Jamie Dimon: They stole my money. Get General Petraeus on the phone. He might have lost the election but he has friends in the military.
Blythe Masters: They took my safety deposit box. My jewels and my bonds are gone. We gave money to Hillary and to General Petraeus. I’m gong to get Hillary on my cell phone. She is President-elect. They can’t do that to us.
Captain Dave Johnson: (The captain and a squad of men plus one woman enter the room. The men remain standing. The black woman in plain clothes sits down and sets up her lap top.) You are under arrest. I am Captain Johnson of the newly formed National Police Force. This is Lieutenant Sarah Jones. She will be printing out your indictments. All of your personal and corporate assets have been seized. You can turn that CNN report back on. Admiral Walsh will be speaking on all networks at exactly 9 AM New York time.
Marsha McWilliams: We will be going to a live announcement from Admiral Tom Walsh who is in charge of the US forces on the Cayman Islands.
Admiral Walsh: Good Morning. The US military has decided to intervene in the Cayman Islands to seize more than 6 trillion dollars in assets. Most of this being the proceeds of money laundering, drug profits, tax evaders and diverted Bailout dollars. We have been finding very large assets in the safe deposit boxes. We acted to defend America and the Constitution which is the Oath we all took when we joined the service. We have decided to use these seized assets to finance all federal government operations. We will suspend all personal income taxes on married couples making less than $120,000 a year effective immediately. The new tax rate for those above $120,000 is 10%. We will fully fund Social Security and Medicare from seized assets on the mainland and and other sources. The assets seized here today will fund government operations for three years so we will have no need for taxes as large as those we have all paid in the past. I repeat we will fund Social Security and Medicare on a sound actuarial basis. But we will henceforth cancel all Social Security and Medicare taxes.
There are tens of thousands of federal, state and local agencies which have a total of tens of trillions of dollars in assets. We have frozen those accounts. We will be funding all pension funds owed to civil service workers. We will also be paying off all state, local and federal bonds with those assets. Since there will never be any public debts and all money issued in the future will be debt free. the cost of operating the government will be cut permanently.
We will also issue US Treasury Banknotes as did President John Fitzgerald Kennedy did until his assassination. The Federal Reserve has been seized by the Treasury. Secretary Timothy Geithner and Federal Reserve Chairman have been arrested. We will be creating credit in the amount of 450 billion dollars a year. All of this money will be going to a federal jobs program to rebuild American infrastructure. We will be asking each state governor and state legislature to draw up a list of projects in their respective states.
We are acting because as you know our incumbent President has been disabled since failing to win renomination. We decided to take action to turn the country around before Wall Street could steal every last dollar in the country.
We have not acted to make General Petraeus President even though many in the military supported his candidacy as the Republican nominee. But many also supported Ron Paul and his running mate Jesse Ventura on the Libertarian ticket. General Petraeus will remain in private life. We acted solely to save the Republic which we all took an oath to defend. We did not act to reverse an election.
There will be further announcements later this day. It might be 48 hours before we can give the nation a complete and detailed accounting of the assets seized from accounts and safe deposit boxes. Preliminary estimates are that we should be able to cancel all federal income taxes for 3 years on married couples making less than $120,000 as we expect stocks held here to increase sharply in value over the next few years. We will recover from this current Depression and transition into permanent prosperity.
I am pleased to announce that we will suspend all foreclosures for 90 days until the markets have settled down and we can reevaluate the situation on a case by case basis.
I have been asked to read the following: All naked short positions in the stock markets are to be covered immediately. The NYSE will open as scheduled though trading in all companies that have accepted Bailouts or are bankrupt or seized as criminal enterprises will be suspended. High Frequency Trading or front running is illegal and will cease.
Marsha: We talked to a group of men who were hired by the US Army to drill those safe deposit boxes. We have with us Terry Robinson of Atlanta Georgia who is an Army veteran and was unemployed and will be speaking for the men. Can you tell us how you were recruited for this job and what you are doing?
Terry Robinson: I got a call from someone who said he had a friend who knew me from my last tour in Iraq four years ago. My home was about to be foreclosed. He said he would pay me $300 a day cash plus expenses for a 3 day job. I just heard the Admiral say I don’t have to pay income or Social Security taxes. I want to get back to Atlanta to look for work. And he also said the banks can’t foreclose. I will have some cash to hold me over until I get a good paying job. I wish we could do that 2012 election all over. I’d like to vote for the
Marsha: Can you tell us how you have been drilling those safe deposit boxes?
Jerry: We work in teams. I drill but I am not allowed to touch the boxes. A team of military, civil service and private accountants count all the contents. I hear they are getting a lot more jewels, stocks and bonds than they expected.
Marsha: We will be interviewing Alice Chan, a CPA from San Francisco, who has been working counting the assets from the Safe deposit boxes. She is also the paymaster for the civilians like Mr Robinson who have been drilling the boxes. By the way, Mrs Robinson all the men like your husband who have been drilling those boxes will be returning home this afternoon.
(The Scene shifts from JP Morgan to Goldman Sachs.)
Lloyd Blankfein: Let me at my money. I could pay all my fines by the time the trading is over for the day. Wow. No taxes. Cover their shorts. The stock market will go straight up.
Lt Commander Arthur Jensen: I gather you will not be getting a fine and probation. I hear there is jail time involved. And like the admiral said your assets will be funding the government for the next few years.
Blankfein: When will I be arraigned? I need to call my lawyer and have him arrange bail.
Lieutenant Maria Hernandez: There won’t be any bail. You will be tried in a military court as an enemy combatant with all the rights and privileges of any Al Qaeda suspect caught on a battle field.
Blankfein: Enemy Combatant? That doesn’t sound good. Where will the trial take place?
Hernandez: The trial and prison location will only be disclosed at a later date. By the way, do you know where I am gong after you have been delivered for transport? I am gong to arrest quite a few corporate officers and scientists for murder. I grew up in Brooklyn in several different foster care homes. A lot of children in foster care were taken and used in pesticide experiments until they died. I could have been one of those children. I will be joining the new National Police force. We will be augmenting the FBI. We have a list of corporate and government abusers we want to stop.
Blankfein: National Police force?
Hernandez: We will be reducing the size of the military. Some of us will go into the National Police force. But most of the guys will want to go into construction work for that infrastructure program the admiral talked about.
Blankfein: This doesn’t sound like it’s going to be good for me.
Jensen: A fair trial and forfeiture of your assets will be far better than you deserve. Your transport has arrived. You will know where you are going when you get there. Look on the bright side. After you lose all your money that crazy witch you married will divorce you. You might never have to see her again.
CNN Atlanta: We have breaking news from our correspondent Raphael Valderama in New York. What can you tell us is happening right now?
Raphael: We are in front of JP Morgan headquarters in Manhattan where the military tell us they will bring out JP Morgan executives for transport to prison. We understand they will be receiving military trials and that no bail will be permitted. We expect them momentarily.
Lieutenant Jones: (Talking to Blythe Masters as she is escorted from the building.) I understand you own a race horse. My colonel loves horses. He promised to send your horse to a good home in Kentucky. It might be awhile before you are let out of prison.
Captain Johnson: (To Jamie Dimon) Look on the bright side. Because of asset forfeiture that crazy daughter of yours will have to go to work and support herself. She might even become a normal human being. (Captain Johnson and his squad plus the detainees emerge from the building.)
Raphael: The military is emerging from the building. I will try to get a statement. Captain, can you make a statement?
Captain Johnson: I am prepared to say the following: We have arrested Jamie Dimon, Blythe Masters and 17 other JP Morgan officers and board members. We have detained all relevant JP Morgan staff for questioning. We have frozen all personal and corporate assets. All bank bonuses will be returned to the US Treasury and the taxpayers. All proceeds from criminal enterprises will be retained for the programs described earlier by Admiral Walsh. The 19 men and women including Jamie Dimon and Blythe Masters will presently be transported to a secure facility where they will face a military court. There will be no bail. The court will guarantee a speedy trial. The location of the trial and the prison will be disclosed at a later date.
Raphael: There you have it. Jamie Dimon, Blythe Masters and the others are being loaded onto a military bus. I understand you want us to go back to the Cayman Islands for breaking news.
Marsha McWilliams: I am here in George Town talking to Alice Chan. She has an announcement from the military to make as well as an interesting personal story to tell us. I understand you are an unemployed CPA from San Francisco and that you have been working since Saturday cataloging seized assets from safe deposit boxes.
Chan: I was unemployed until Friday. I used to work in Silicon Valley until 8 months ago when my company relocated overseas. I moved back to San Francisco after losing my home. I am a civilian. I was contacted by someone who said they heard about me and wanted a CPA to work as an auditor out of town with my friend Susan who also lost her job. They said they would pay us plus all our expenses. When we got to the plane, they told us where we were going and what we would be doing. I would like to make a few announcements if I may?.
Marsha: Please tell us.
Chan: The first thing I would like to say is that we recovered so many assets that I don’t think we will ever again have to collect taxes on people making less than $120,000 a year. Especially since they will be raising import duties to help pay for Social Security and Medicare. The other thing I want to say on a personal basis is that I don’t have enough money to invest in the stock market. But the military will be canceling the TSA program. No more body groping at the airports. All security will be handled by the airlines. With the cancellation of taxes and the TSA if I had money I would invest every nickel into bankrupt airline stocks. The markets open in two minutes. Invest now.
Also on a personal basis after we leave here Susan and I will be going to work sorting through the tens of trillions of dollars held by federal, state and local government agencies. This money has been hidden from public view. The books we will examine are called Comprehensive Annual Financial Reports. I am a CPA. I can tell you there is a lot of money there.
I would also like to make this final announcement that has been cleared by Admiral Walsh and by the Pentagon. Later today someone from the Pentagon and from DARPA, the Defense Research Projects Administration, will hold a joint press conference that will relate to young people like myself who have no retirement funds.
As the admiral said, the people on Social Security and Medicare will be funded on an actuarially sound basis. State and local pensions will be funded. Federal, state and local bonds will be eliminated. This will reduce federal, state and local taxes so the local governments will recover and stop all the savage cuts. I am from California where the real unemployment rate is 30%. This will help us and a lot of other bankrupt states.
But the one group not yet mentioned are the younger people like myself who need to fund their retirement. Pay attention to that DARPA press conference. They will be releasing very advanced technology to American corporations. These corporations will issue stock that will go from zero to trillions in value. These corporations will create real jobs. And the stock shares will be given over to trust funds for younger people who do not plan to retire for another 20 or 30 or even 40 years. This will be the most exciting press conference in my life. You will be amazed at the scientific discoveries the government had been sitting on until today.
Marsha: There you have it. Life has been changed forever in America. It will be interesting to see what role President-elect Hillary Clinton will play. All those indictments and investigations could create problems for her presidency and for all incumbent House and Senate members. I have been told by the military to make this statement: The U.S. military will do everything in their power to defend the Constitution and the Bill of Rights. If need be, they will hold the 2012 Presidential, senatorial and congressional elections all over again.
That is all for now.