Narrator: Two men on February of 2016 rewrote the script on President Obama’s teleprompter for what was supposed to a 5 minute speech introducing the King of Sweden. Those two men managed to get it live on air on all major networks because it was timed 30 minutes before the Super Bowl.
Obama: I have an urgent message to the American people and to all the people of the world. As you know, the Banks own our governments. We have been creating money by the trillions and giving it to Wall Street to cover their horrendously stupid investments. That is as it should be because you must have less so Bankers can have more. But bank stocks are crashing even though they were allowed to steal your pensions and will soon be stealing your deposits. Bank liquidity has dried up and that always means Depression and another World War.
We have asked outside observers to rank our chances against Russia, China and Iran in case war breaks out. The results were alarming. As you know, the Council on Foreign Relations has run American foreign and military policies for a century. They had planned for America to come in second in all of our previous wars. But the results of our War Games conducted by impartial outside observers had the USA coming in third or fourth. We don’t even look good in a war with Lebanon and forget attacking Iran. The reason for that is that our military procurement policy has been to maximize profits for defense contractors and to forget about the servicemen and women.
I have therefore instructed our Secretary of State to go to the United Nations on Monday and to demand we create a Fifth Geneva Convention which would regulate ‘Unfair Combat.’
For example, the US spent $1.5 trillion on the F-35 jet fighter. The Navy version of the F-35 costs $337 million each. Yet that plane cannot defeat 50 year-old Russian planes in a dog fight. It cannot fly in the rain and has none of the stealth capabilities the defense contractors had promised. So I will ask for a Fifth Geneva Convention on damn expensive weapons to include the following:
One: Aerial combat operations must be halted in case of rain and fog. Ground troops are not allowed to change locations when aircraft are grounded. But soldiers will be allowed to look for shelter from the rain in nearby buildings.
Two: Any nation engaging in a war with the USA will have to ground all planes less than 45 years-old as our new planes aren’t very good.
The F-22 costs $412 million each according to the GAO. Unfortunately, The F-22 asphyxiates our pilots.
Three: Therefore, aerial operations during future wars will have to be confined to periods of 90 minutes or less so our pilots can catch their breath. Of course ground operations will have to be halted during these suspensions of air combat.
Four: Any plane that cost more than $100 million and has been advertised by Lobbyists as having stealth capabilities will have to be ignored on radar by enemy technicians. This rule only applies to American enemies as the US is the only country stupid enough to spend that much on one plane.
US destroyers cost $3 billion each and the Gerald R Ford aircraft carrier cost over $9 billion.
Five: Therefore, we must demand that it henceforth be made illegal to sink any ship that would cost more than three billion dollars to replace.
You might ask yourselves why would foreign leaders accept such disadvantageous rules of engagement for WW III? We have determined that Ben Bernanke was right. If we are unwilling to arrest the Bankers and to seize their assets to fund worldwide Debt Cancellation, then the only alternative is to drop money from helicopters. We can never allow the poor or even the middle class to receive any of that money at all. It might give them ideas about taking over the government and firing the politicians. So I have instructed the Treasury Secretary and the Chairman of the Federal Reserve to print ten billion dollars a week in $100 bills. A $100 bill weighs one gram so ten billion dollars weighs 100 million grams or 100,000 kilograms which is 100 metric tons. The USAF will deliver this money every week to selected world leaders. That will cause a worldwide inflation but American voters have been learning to live on less ever since we were allowed to kill President Kennedy and get away with it.
We expect the Fifth Convention of the Geneva Accords to be adopted shortly. We will follow through by sending thousands of our loonier campus activists to indoctrinate foreign troops on the need for Fairness in War. That should destroy their ability to fight wars just as it did here in the USA.
I do not have to remind you that the only alternative to this plan is Global Thermonuclear War and the end for 99.99% of all humans. And that would be terrible because politicians everywhere would be fired by the survivors.
In conclusion I would just like to say ‘I am Reggie Brown and live from New York it’s Saturday Night.
This was an American television show opening skit. But enterprising hackers got it onto the Armed Forces Radio and Television Network during half time of the Super Bowl after the average soldier had downed at least six beers. It caused riots on military bases from America to England to the Mideast to Japan. The foreign press picked it up not knowing it was a hoax so people all over the world learned the truth about Bankers and wars while Washington and New York were asleep.
This event changed history and saved the world.
Related Articles: From time to time I make attempts at humor. I would like to share a few more of my satires:
Google Car: You Have Arrived At Your Destination Camp FEMA.
Monopoly Board Game Revised For Our Times
The Twelve Steps Of Gentiles Anonymous